No one is ever really, truly, completely, lonely. We always have ourselves. A voice inside of us keeps talking to us – all the time.

Sometimes it’s a whisper – do this, do that; Or, don’t do this, don’t do that.

Sometimes it’s an echo of whatever we are feeling – I am sad, I am angry, something bad happened today. The incident keeps playing over and over again in our head, in a loop.

And, sometimes it is a reasoned dialogue. The other me, inside me, talks to me. It tries to make sense of things. It asks reasonable questions. It answers my questions, gives me suggestions, helps me solve my problems. If I have been thinking of buying something that I can’t really afford, it asks me, do I really need this?

These discussions can take place anytime. But, with me, they happen more at night, when I am asleep, in deep thoughts, in a dream state. I discovered this, years ago, when I was working in the high tech industry in California.

Sometimes, I worked on a really knotty problem and the solution just won’t come. No matter how hard I tried, discussed with my colleagues, dug into manuals, documentation, etc.

Then, totally frustrated and tired, I went to sleep. Deep in my sleep, the subconscious went to work. And a solution emerged. At times, completely different than what I was thinking earlier. A new approach. And it worked. It has happened to me enough times that now I totally trust in the subconscious – my other-self, inside me.

This is not a new, or unique, phenomenon. We all have this capacity. It is inherent in all of us. The problem is, we do not try to organize our own thoughts. We are not even aware that it can be done. This is well documented now with modern research. Even Einstein had explored it. New techniques for mind management and control such as hypnosis have emerged. Calming practices such as meditation and mindfulness have existed for centuries.

Our mind is like an unkempt garage or a basement, overflowing with stuff. We have been hoarding stuff in there forever and have never tried to organize it. Some of it is useful, even precious, but most doesn’t have much value. It is junk and clutter. It even smells bad and impacts our health, but we don’t make an effort to clean that garage or basement. The good news is that it can be done – cleaned, sorted, and organized.

We are our own best friends. And we need to treat ourselves as such. Often, we don’t. We have heard the saying many times, so and so is his or her own worst enemy. Many a times, that so and so, is me.

This comes from lack of introspection and letting our mind wander. If we make an effort, we can give our mind directions and stop wandering, change course as necessary.

Then, we can start expanding our circle. From inside out. First we improve our relationship with ourselves. This will make us happier. Others can see that as well. Happiness grows and spreads organically. If we are happy, we can make others happy. Happiness is like a perfume that permeates the environment around us. And, it helps with the loneliness problem as well. When others can smell that happy perfume, they want to get close to it.

This is not to minimize or undermine the loneliness problem. I know it only too well. But, it is also a fact that we can’t force other people into our lives. We have to find our own coping strategies.

Life is, what it is. If we are by ourselves, we have to make the best of it. Mind engagement is the key. With positive thinking, being proactive, creative, and keeping busy, we can do better.

Every man is an ocean, but very few take the time or courage to explore their own depths. Those few who do, sometimes find hidden treasures. But most just float on the surface their entire lives and don’t know what they are missing. What could have been…

I always try to remember that I may not have everything I want – but glass is always at least half full! That’s not too bad at all.